My dad said something recently that I've been thinking about a lot lately. It was very close to this: "I realize the power that worship has to heal people. I love that hurting people can walk into a worship service totally broken and leave ready and willing to do incredible things for the kingdom...but just imagine what it would be like to have people walk into a worship service who already felt that way." I've been thinking a lot about that lately. What if we're missing the point? What if we've missed the point our whole lives?
I've been in a slump recently. A lot of it has to do with my teacher making us not only read The Shining, but also watch the movie. A lot more of it has to do with a feeling of slavery that I have towards my own pet sins. I just can't seem to get out of my habits. Well...habits is putting it lightly I guess. If we're being honest, it's really much more like addiction....seeing as it's an addiction. Lately there just seems to have been an extreme lack of silver lining. It's like the silver has faded and now it's just as gray as the rest of the stormcloud. And it's not just the specific sins. It's like my whole personality is changing and it feels like there's nothing I can do about it. I don't even like myself anymore. I've always been the kinda guy who'd you either think of as the crazy silly dude, or the super chill dude depending on the mood you caught me in. But now it's like I have this dual personality, and I don't like either sides. It's like all the things about me that I used to think were good are being replaced with things I hate. Where once there was courage, now there is timidity. Where once there was humilty, now there is brazen obnoxiousness. Where once there was helpfulness, now there is selfishness. Where once there was appreciation, now there is ambition. Daily I question everything that I've believed in all these years.
And it's really painful you know? But even feeling like this. Feeling like I'm at an all time low, I have to look at the pain of others. No matter what the context there always have been and always will be people who hurt so much more than I do. Whether they are in an economically blessed setting like america but going through the loss of someone they loved or some other such painful everyday occurence or whether they wake up with an empty stomach every morning, just wishing they could have known the people who had once loved them. People hurt. People endure tremondous amounts of pain. People look to Christ for comfort and I think... I think that he wants to give it to us. But we've forgotten how to ask. We've forgotten what to ask for.
And that's where what my father said comes into play. Relief from pain is a big reason that people turn to the church. But what that means is that worship is about us. I think God understands our tendency to misunderstand worship this way and grants our requests for comfort, even though this isn't ultimately what He's looking for. Think about if we had brought our pain to the Lord beforehand? What if, either on our own, or far more likely with the help of other believers, we had already experienced healing through the Lord.....and THEN went into worship?! What if we walked into Church and made it about glorifying Him for the healing that had already taken place? Imagine being in worship and not thinking about anything but being in His presence. Then once we are near Him wouldn't He take that which He had already made righteous and glorify it further still? For He is infinitely glorious so that no matter how much more holy He makes us our righteousness will be as filthy rags compared to His magnificence! And yet it is our great joy to let Him make us a little more like Him again and again throughout eternity! What if we held on to that during worship and then walked back out into the world? All people would have to do is look at us and see the Holy Spirit in us and be changed.
So rather than going into worship with our cups half empty, let us do everything we can to go into worship with our cups full and by glorifying Him, allow Him to glorify us, and fill our cups to overflowing.
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